INTRODUCTION:  Let’s look at some more fine print [examples].  Some of these ads look great at first glance, but it’s when you read the fine print that you get the full story.
            We are people of the fine print.  We look good at first glance, but what does the fine print say? 
            Our first billboard was:  We are living the American dream.  Then comes the fine print—“paycheck to paycheck.”
            Today we come to our next billboard.  We have a great marriage.  Now for the fine print—“but don’t look too closely.”

            Would we say that we have a great marriage?  Do we even know what that means?  What do we go by to make that determination?  To whom would you look for a model?  You may say that you have a good marriage—we’re still together, the week has been fairly uneventful, we’re friends.  But can there be more?  I remember when Jared was several months old and I let him take Coke.  There is more! 
            Here is how to have a great marriage:
            …make sure your marriage is a 50/50 proposition. “You do your part and I will do mine.”
            …marry someone who can meet all your needs
            …marry someone who can make you happy
            …live together before you get married to see if you are compatible.  That also helps with the economics.  It may give you some margin so you won’t have to live paycheck to paycheck.
            …marry someone with a lot of money.  Remember you can marry more money in 15 minutes than you can make in a lifetime. 

            NO.  NO.  Does a great marriage result from a 50/50 relationship?  Those who think a great marriage is a “50/50 proposition don’t know the half of it.”  Does a great marriage result from finding someone to meet all your needs?  You can’t find someone who can meet all your needs.  Don’t put that kind of pressure on anyone.  If you have that expectation, you will be disappointed and end up disillusioned and angry with unmet needs.  Only God can meet some of our needs and bring ultimate fulfillment [there is a primary relationship that we need to have with Him].  Your mate can’t be God and we were created with a spirit that craves God.  Does a great marriage result from finding someone to make you happy? We should desire to be happy in our marriages, but there is a higher goal—to make God happy.  In fact, Gary Thomas in his book, Sacred Marriage, p. 13, asks, “What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?”  Does a great marriage result from living together before you marry to ensure compatibility?  The statistics show that cohabitation without being married sets up families for poverty, violence, abuse, instability, and divorce [rate goes over 69%].  Does having a great marriage result from having plenty of money? Money certainly isn’t the answer to great marriages. The rich and famous testify to that.  So these things do not make a great marriage.
            Then how do we have great marriages?  Better marriages?  We must follow and live by God’s design.  As Christians I think we believe we are doing that, but many times we aren’t.  The problem can be neglect, complacency, and the like, but it can also be subtle and inadvertent.
            The reasons that we may not have great marriages are:
[This is important for our students, those getting married, those that are married, those who are getting remarried]. 

I.                   FAILURE TO UNDERSTAND THE RESULTS OF THE FALL

All of us would agree that prior to the Fall Adam and Eve had a great marriage [He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married and she didn’t have to hear about how good his mother could cook].  But after their rebellion against God you have two sinners living together with this warning [God warns of the consequences of sin].
            Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you [Gen. 3:16].

1.  Your desire will be for your husband. The word “desire” here is used again in close proximity in Genesis 4:7, where God warned Cain that sin desired to have him.  It desired to master, control him.  The wife would try to control her husband—by manipulation, crying, silent treatment, and other clever tools, etc.  Here is a struggle for control.  What do liberal feminist want?  Equal rights?  No, to wear the pants. 

2.  He will rule over you. The husband’s tendency is to dominate his wife—put her down, diminish her worth.  After Adam’s relationship with God was altered, the one who had previously said, “bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh” now blamed her and said, “the woman you gave me.”  From personal reference to just “the woman.”  There is a definite attitude change.
            Apart from God, you will find these expressions in a range of degrees. 
            Even as Christians, we will not have a great marriage until we understand our tendency as sinners.  We will never find or have a mate that is not affected by the reality of the Fall.  There is an undertow in the relationship.  Understand in which direction we are being pulled.  Apart from God’s design and His power, we are being pulled in the direction of conflict, struggle for control, domination and the diminishing of worth.  Without victory over our sinful nature, we are moving in these directions [these are as sure as snakes on bellies, enmity, pain in child birth, thorns and thistles, etc.].  And the expression of the curse will negate a great marriage.

Here is the good news.  Christ came to deal with the results of the Fall.  But if we are not strong in Him, we will fall prey to the tendencies.  A neglected relationship with Him has real implication for our marriage.  

II.                INCORPORATION OF THE WORLD’S STANDARDS

This can be subtle but real. It may be inadvertent but actual.  For instance, isn’t it easy to buy into this 50/50 proposition?  It sounds reasonable and fair.  Are you going to have a great marriage if you say or hear “I think I have done my part!”  “I am willing to meet him half way”? Can you imagine Christ saying to the Father. “Well, I am going to go down there and meet those people half way!”  No way. He gave 100% to this relationship.  And that is the only reason why my relationship with Him works.  Have can you lay your life down as a sacrifice half way? How can you be half dead?  It isn’t 50/50 folks. That’s a contract.  It is 100%. That is a covenant that you make with God. 
            Also, isn’t it easy to be selfish in a relationship as opposed to selfless?  It is so easy to see only what we want, need, believe we deserve.  She is not making “me” happy.  He is not meeting “my” needs.  As Gary Thomas said, there is a higher issue here than our happiness. Is God pleased—is God happy with your marriage?  We can’t have a great marriage if God isn’t pleased with it.  And He can’t be if we are selfish.  Agape love is not self-seeking [I Cor. 13:5].
            What about the tendency to think about how you will change your spouse rather than asking God to change you. “If she or he would just be….then we would have a great marriage.”  Gary Thomas said in his book, if you want to be free to serve Jesus, stay single.  Marriage takes a lot of time.  But if you want to become more like Jesus, get married.  Because being married forces you to face some character issues you never had to face before [p.21]—anger, selfishness, pettiness, etc.  We need to concentrate on our being changed, rather than our mate.  The world always blames the partner.  Adam blamed his partner.  How much of the problem is you?
            What about “roles.”  Are you seeking to follow the role delineated in Scripture or is that role distorted by the world?  Do you try to explain away the Biblical way to be culturally relevant?
            It is easy for us as Christians to think that we are living by God’s design when we are actually incorporating the world’s thinking and standards.  We take more cues from the world than we may realize.  We cannot have great marriages that way. 

III.             NOT PRIORITIZING MARRIAGE

We will not have great marriages if we do not see marriage as important as God does.
            Who made the race male and female?
            Who said that it was not good for man to be alone?
            Who brought the first bride and first husband together and established the first marriage?
            Who said for this reason a man should leave his father and mother and cleave …?
            Who said of marriage, I tell you this is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the Church?  

            Marriage is a picture of the divine relationship between God and His people.  When we understand that we are to model God’s love for His church and that relationship, we will see marriage in a completely different light. It is the gospel in the flesh of marriage—modeling forgiveness, selfless love, faithfulness and sacrifice.  There is no relationship like it.  
            But as Christians, with our great concern to be good parents, does that priority relationship ever take second place?  Yes.  The children come and marriage is no longer the priority.  We didn’t mean to slight it.  It was just that the diapers had to be changed, the baby had to be feed and our resources of time, energy and money got redirected. But the Bible and consideration of time [direct parenting for 20+ years, and marriage for 50-60 years emphasize the priority of the marriage relationship]. Although we have Mother's Day and Father's Day on the calendar rather than Wife's Day and Husband's Day, we still need to prioritize the marriage relationship. As parents, make sure you prioritize your marriage.  Go out together without the children.  Nurture that relationship.  You will be better parents if you give attention to the marriage.  You maybe slighting the relationship because you are trying to live the American Dream.  You have too much financial pressure on your marriage. 
            We will never have great marriages if we do not prioritize that relationship. 

IV.              NOT DEPENDENT ON THE SPIRIT

We will not have great marriages without being dependent on and empowered by the Holy Spirit.  We can have the best intentions, but still fail if we try to do it in our strength [lose your temper, be selfish].  Paul never said anything about submission, love, sacrifice, etc. in marriage until he shared the command to be filled with the Holy Spirit. The summons to submit in Ephesians 5 is in the middle voice, which means submission comes voluntarily and from a willingness within.  It is enabled by His power.  It is for His sake.  We cannot function in the roles in Ephesians 5 apart from His power.  God has not asked us to do what we cannot do.  But it cannot be done apart from Him. 

CONCLUSION:  We cannot have great marriages unless we live by His design.  Are we negligent in any of these areas? I hope that we can openly labor toward that together here.  We have resources available in our ministry. Take advantage of them.  This is our only chance to have great marriages.  There will not be any marriages in heaven. 

Do you have a relationship with Christ that marriage pictures? Do you realize that He gave all—100%--that you might have a relationship with Him?  Are you living by His design?